A More Different "S"

Today was pretty good. Good Bible study; interesting after-discussions; a little (too much) NFL Draft.... Not bad, not bad. Some household things were neglected, but will be taken care of... eventually.


Soooooo, ever wanted to draw a dragon? Learn from the master.

Night Prayer

I have heard these prayers in person at New Melleray. When I heard them again this evening, my heart nearly tore out of my chest.

Click HERE to listen.

The Papal iPod

About two months ago, the Pope was given an iPod, preloaded with Vatican Radio excerpts and classical music.

Classical music, eh? I wonder...

The Mac

Today was my first substantial experience with an Apple Mac (OS X, to be specific). And I have to say, I think I like. Sure, the one mouse button is annoying, but the interface sure is purdy. It has style and grace, a good blend of art and technology. The system seems to be more user-friendly, less reliant on technical knowledge, and overall less IBM-ey. You see, even as an IT student, I am not very tech. Start talking to me about computer technology and watch my eyes glaze over. I'm interested more in what computers can do, not how they do it or the computers themselves. Given this, and my so far very limited experience, I'm liking the way the Mac does things.

Just take this Quicktime movie trailer as an example. Would the powerful emotion and drama of Jack Nicholson's performance carry over in another movie player? Well, would it?!

Try it. It's good for you.

Tuesday, Tuesday...


....here's some Sudoku.

Restlessness turned into trust.

When I was about to start on this post, I was planning on commenting on the dullness and stagnancy that had been surrounding me this day. I was restless, a bit lonely, and hungry for sensory stimulation. So before I got around to writing about this, I turned in my chair, only to see my Divine Mercy image hanging above my bed. Jesus came in and filled the God-shaped hole in my heart, and the loneliness and boredom were no more. I shall have to keep a better watch, that my heart not go empty without notice.

If you ever feel empty inside, lonely, bored, depressed, invite God into the abyss of your heart, and invite Him without reservation. As Saint Augustine said, "You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in you."


P.S. I wrote earlier that I would post on Sunday details about an experience I had with Divine Mercy. Well, I plum forgot. And it will have to wait until another time, if ever. I'm thinking that I may be being a bit libertine in my discussions about personal spiritual matters. Possibly. I'll just have to watch my motivations.

Better than the hype.

Divine Mercy Sunday at St. Sebastian Parish was a smashing success. Many confessions, many present for the 3pm Chaplet and closing Benediction. Confessions started at 1:30, and they were still going on at 3:00 (with 2 priests!). That's impressive for our parish. We also prayed all 20 decades of the Rosary during confessions (yup, that's over 200 Hail Mary's). I'd say we had somewhere around 50 people or more for the entire Rosary (more for the Chaplet, of course). The whole program was just great. I could feel the power manifest within the church; the Holy Spirit was present. It will never be recorded as such, but this day could go down as one of the most important in our parish's history. We won't know until the fruit is borne.

I hear that a nearby parish, St. Lucy's, also had a good turnout, doubling last year's. Pope John Paul must be very busy indeed, interceding to The Divine Mercy for us.

Divine Mercy Sunday

"The Message of Divine Mercy has always been near and dear to me… which I took with me to the See of Peter and which it in a sense forms the image of this Pontificate." —John Paul II

"When Pope John Paul canonized Sr. Faustina (making her St. Faustina), he also, on the same day, surprised the entire world by establishing Divine Mercy Sunday (the feast day associated with the message) as a feast day for the entire Church. The feast day, which always falls on the Second Sunday of the Easter season, has now been celebrated by the whole Church...since John Paul II established it in 2000." —thedivinemercy.org


Tomorrow is Divine Mercy Sunday, a day I've been looking forward to for some time now. So what's the big hubbub? What is Divine Mercy? "The message of mercy is that God loves us — all of us — no matter how great our sins. Devotion to The Divine Mercy involves a total commitment to God as Mercy. It is a decision to trust completely in Him, to accept His mercy with thanksgiving, and to be merciful as He is merciful."(EWTN)

This is true all of the time, but God's Mercy is even more present on Divine Mercy Sunday. Now, the message of Divine Mercy was given to a Polish nun named St. Faustina in the early 20th century. Here are some quotes of Jesus taken from St. Faustina's diary about Divine Mercy Sunday:

On that day the very depths of My tender Mercy are open.

I pour out a whole ocean of graces upon these souls who approach the Fount of My mercy [the Sacraments of Reconciliation and Holy Eucharist].

The soul that will go to Confession [beforehand] and receive Holy Communion [on that day] shall obtain complete forgiveness of sins and punishment.

On that day all the divine floodgates through which grace flow are opened.

Let no soul fear to draw near to Me, even though its sins be as scarlet.

The Feast of Mercy emerged from My very depths of tenderness.

It is My desire that it be solemnly celebrated on the first Sunday after Easter.

It is the perfect day to pray the Chaplet of Divine Mercy. It is a simple prayer of the Rosary that takes between 5-10 minutes, and can be found here. The first time (over 2 years ago) that I heard this Chaplet prayed in song, I did not know what it was. I wept, for no reason that I could discern. The following promises are real, from my experiences and those of many others:

Whoever will recite it will receive great mercy at the hour of death (687).

When they say this Chaplet in the presence of the dying, I will stand between My Father and the dying person, not as the just Judge but as the Merciful Savior (1541).

Priests will recommend it to sinners as their last hope of salvation. Even if there were a sinner most hardened, if he were to recite this Chaplet only once, he would receive grace from My infinite mercy (687).

I desire to grant unimaginable graces to those souls who trust in My mercy (687).

Through the Chaplet you will obtain everything, if what you ask for is compatible with My will. (1731)


Last is the Image of Divine Mercy. I had a very interesting experience with this Image that I will (hopefully) detail further tomorrow. More quotes, and the Image itself:

Paint an image according to the pattern you see, with the signature: Jesus, I trust in You. I promise that the soul that will venerate this image will not perish. I also promise victory over [its] enemies already here on earth, especially at the hour of death. I Myself will defend it as My own glory. (Diary, 47, 48)

I am offering people a vessel with which they are to keep coming for graces to the fountain of mercy. That vessel is this image with the signature: Jesus, I trust in You. (327)

I desire that this image be venerated, first in your chapel, and [then] throughout the world. (47)

The two rays denote Blood and Water. The pale ray stands for the Water which makes souls righteous. The red ray stands for the Blood which is the life of souls. These two rays issued forth from the depths of My tender mercy when My agonized Heart was opened by a lance on the Cross. Happy is the one who will dwell in their shelter, for the just hand of God shall not lay hold of him. (299)

By means of this image I shall grant many graces to souls. It is to be a reminder of the demands of My mercy, because even the strongest faith is of no avail without works. (742)

Not in the beauty of the color, nor of the brush lies the greatness of this image, but in My grace. (313)

You GOTTA have blue hair.

Yeah, lack of time (management) has struck again. I plan for something a little better for tomorrow or Saturday. In the meantime, if you've finished your guitar lessons, how about checking out how you'd look as a Japanese cartoon? ....ok...well, not you per se... but this guy.

Saint Peter and the Vatican

Today I went to see the Milwaukee Museum's Saint Peter and the Vatican exhibit, and it was quite impressive. If I had more time right now, I'd go through some of the items. But I'll just say, it is very worth going to see.

Hmm, let's see here..... can't just leave you hanging here. Oh, I know. How about some guitar lessons?

IBM = bad

I will in all likelihood be switching curriculums for this fall, from Programmer/Analyst to Web Developer/Administrator. As much as my skills match up with programming, I don't see myself using it in the future. Web development will be a bit more challenging, with the need for creativity and graphical design. But it should be much more useful for my future. Sure, it will add on another semester to get the associate degree, but it should also give me more credits for a Bachelor's, which I'll need to get eventually.

There is a monk that goes to Gateway named Nicodemus. He's from Africa, and he's in the Networking program. He has invited me a couple of times now to visit his monastery at Benet Lake in Kenosha. Judging from the website, I'm not so sure that I want to. I've really shied away from the purely monastic lifestyle lately, for various reasons. Instead, I've become attracted to the ways of the orders of friars, such as the Franciscans, Augustinians, and Carmelites. Unfortunately, they have higher requirements for joining than the monastic orders.

Bah, who knows, my head's a little cloudy right now. Being sleepy on Tuesday is a bad omen for the rest of the week...

A Really Real Reality-Show

Well, I just finished watching the third and fourth episodes of God or the Girl, and they were REALLY good. I don't think there's ever been a mainstream show on TV like this before. If I could sum it up in one word, it would be: sacrifice. And it's not just the obvious sacrifice implicated in the title, but they also must sacrifice themselves. This blurb from the website sums it up pretty well:

"Steve [second from the right] finds himself simultaneously drawn to and terrified of the level of sacrifice he must make in order to truly heed God's call."

Terrified indeed. Drawn to, most definitely.
...trust...

Anyway, I would, and do, recommend this to everyone. A&E is broadcasting a four-hour marathon on Friday starting at 8pm ET. The final episode, when final decisions will be made and announced, will be on on Sunday at 10pm ET. Don't miss it!

Happy Easter!

Greetings. It feels like it's been forever since the last post (with words, that is). Need to ease back into this and avoid a long post.

Last I heard, the two boys from the accident are alive. Their names are Juan and Julio (last names I am withholding), and they are 15 and 16, from Gurnee and Waukegan, Illinois. They stole a car, sped off at around 80 mph, were pulled over, switched spots, sped off again, and crashed. I pray that they remain alive (I don't know their conditions) and amend their lives.

I went to Marytown yesterday to meet with the vocation director for the Conventual Franciscans. I figured that this would be a good order to blend contemplative prayer with a ministry of teaching. God apparently had other plans, for the director told me that I'm not ready for the religious life. He had good reasons that I accept, and some that I disagree with. But that's the way things go. Just have to keep moving.

I was a server for Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, and these were the first times being a server since last year's Easter Vigil. It was an interesting experience, and it seemed rather fitting. I actually felt a bit odd this morning in the pew, like I wasn't in the right place. Serving was a bit of a struggle though. I had to keep telling myself that I was SERVING. I had to keep myself from trying to look "holy" and relishing in some high status, like a Pharisee. I tried to make sure that my outer appearance was a reflection of what was going on inside. I had limited success. Pride, selfishness, vanity: these are my new biggest vices (well.... besides laziness, procrastination, indecision, etc. etc.). However, there was no problem at the Consecration. It's quite the experience to be only 8 feet or so away from the altar when you hear "This is My Body."

Anyway, these are my meanderings for today; turned into a bigger post than I wanted, but, oh well. OH, lastly, don't forget to watch God or the Girl tonight on A&E, starting at 9 Eastern time. It is supposed to be an accurate portrayal of four young men discerning a call to the priesthood. Should be good.

Ok, done now.

Resurrection

Easter Vigil

Burial of Jesus

Good Friday

Agony in the Garden

The Last Supper

There's a better than half chance I won't be posting this week. Will have to see how things go. I had originally decided that I wouldn't, but, knowing me, I probably will. Ah well. Signing off.

A second chance

Last night was one of the most, if not thee most, traumatic times of my life. I've have some trauma before, but it was usually the interior kind. Last night was surely external, with witnesses. It's not every night that I see the wreckage of a horrible car accident. It's less often that I see the soul of the passenger mere seconds after the accident. If you want details on that, ask in person.

However, there was good fruit here. First, I hear this morning that both driver and passenger are alive (though I do not know if that is true of this moment). Second, God has removed EVERY doubt of my priestly calling, such that I deserve a punch in the gut if I ever doubt again. Third, he has told me that my ministry will be - and is - teaching. To teach the faith, so that many may believe and understand. I am as sure of these things as my faith is strong (which I pray will never waver). Fourth, I finally know what it means to have a devotion to Mary, to trust in her, to love her. For I believe that she saved that poor soul in the white shirt. Oh how merciful the Lord is, to give him a second chance.

The "Memorare"
(for the souls in the car accident, and their families)

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary,
that never was it known
that any one who fled to your protection,
implored your help or sought your intercession,
was left unaided.

Inspired with this confidence,
I fly to you,
O Virgin of virgins my Mother;
to you do I come,
before you I stand,
sinful and sorrowful;
O Mother of the Word Incarnate,
despise not my petitions,
but in your mercy hear and answer me.
Amen.

"Fatima Prayer"

O my Jesus, forgive us our sins, save us from the fire of hell, lead all souls to heaven, especially those who are in most need of Thy mercy.

Do your part. Don't use RealPlayer.

PROOF THAT REALPLAYER IS EVIL (thanks to jimmyakin.org)




For further clarification on reason #15, click here (check the answer portion).

Gotta love the Check-Raise.

So today was interesting. First, I went to St. Rita's for Adoration and to see the Augustinians. Robert, a novice who I met last year at St. Paul's vocation fair, gave me the grand tour of the Augustinians' novitiate (their residence). Then I went to work, and after that went back to the novitiate for dinner and, well, poker of course. I mean, what's a Friday night without pulling off a perfect check-raise on an elderly priest? Granted, overall I was down in money. But I was fortunate enough to show the friars the game "Shit on your Neighbor". The Prior (head guy) in particular enjoyed it.

I was over there today for a total of about 7 or 8 hours... quite unexpected. This basically shot the time I was going to use to prepare for our parish's (excellent) bible study tomorrow morning. Well, will have to make do.

As for the Augustinians..... I don't think I got a very accurate picture today on their way of life. I caught them at their (likely) most casual time of the week. I would have to actually live the life for a day or more, to catch on to the daily happenings and routine. I've been invited back anytime for Adoration, dinner or cards, in particular for Easter dinner. So we'll see how things turn out.

I'm noticing a trend here...

This blog has been taking on a different character from what I expected when I started it. I figure... go with it.

I will be seeing the Augustinians tomorrow morning at St. Rita's Parish. It just so happens that every First Friday of the month they have Eucharistic Adoration and prayers specifically for vocations. I just couldn't pass that up.

I came across another interesting synchronicity ("coincidence") today in the Milwaukee paper. There was an article about a 5-part show/documentary that will be broadcast on A&E starting on Easter. It's called "God or the Girl", and it's about four young men discerning possible calls to the priesthood. Some interesting tidbits: the oldest is 28, one 25 year-old owns a $500,000 condo that he earned through business, and two are in heavy relationships. So, for anyone ever wondering why or how these guys could make such decisions and commitments, this show might be a good way to find out.

"I leave you peace, my peace I give you."

If you are tested, do not lose hope. Rather, rejoice, for the Lord loves you.

In a rut...

Today has been a little stressful, as I've fallen into the thinking trap. This is when the mind shuts out the outside world to tackle some issue of indecision, and this can last indefinitely. In fact, I write this without the trap being resolved, so please excuse me if I ramble or am incoherent. Fortunately, this trap isn't as bad as some past ones, as it's been broken into sections due to conversations and school.

Past thinking traps have usually involved big picture issues of purpose and vocation, and this one is no different. So, here are the options: single life, marriage, and religious (religious being split up into diocesan priest, religious priest, and religious brother). Single life is out, really not worth considering to me... if it were solely up to me (never know... stranger things have happened). Religious, uh... religious needs a new paragraph.

Ah, there we go. I don't think religious brother is very likely anymore, as I've been steadily developing the attributes for priesthood, quite unconsciously really. I've received multiple comments about this in the past week alone, in regards to my speech of all things! So... diocesan or religious. There is a parishioner at my church who is quite adamant about getting me into St. Francis Seminary to become a diocesan priest. He has good intentions, and good reasons. According to him, Archbishop Dolan of Milwaukee has few friends in the upper ranks of the diocese, so he needs like-minded, orthodox priests to shift the church away from the liberalism of the former bishop (a lot of damage was done, apparently). The argument of saving souls in an active ministry is also a strong one. The problem is, I've never been attracted to diocesan priesthood, except out of some obligation. I have re- ...... uh, another paragraph? Yeah, sure.

I have read that God calls someone to a vocation that he or she is attracted to and desires. With some possible exceptions, I agree. My attraction has always been to the religious life, even before I returned to the Church (but that's another story). I have given some serious thought to the Augustinians here in Racine and the Franciscan Conventuals in Marytown. I've also considered to a lesser degree the Carmelites of Holy Hill, the Cistercians in Sparta, WI (lasermonks.com), and the Franciscans Minor. The problem is, I've never visited any of them for longer than a couple of hours. The group that keeps coming back is the Trappists. I have been to New Melleray Abbey near Dubuque, Iowa on four occasions now, and am currently set to visit for a week in early June. What's strange is that this place may just be the LEAST orthodox of all the groups I've mentioned so far, and would seem to least utilize my gifts. And yet, this is where I'm attracted to. The simplicity; the total gift of self; the "school of love", as the monastery is called. But I still wonder about melding the active life with the contemplative. What I really need to do after this trip (or before) is schedule something with the Augustinians (and perhaps the friars at Marytown), as I also felt that "certain something" when I met the Augustinians at a vocation fair last year.

So, what's the problem then? Is this anything new? No, not really. If anything, the Trappists have been taking a large lead in the vocation "race". The PROBLEM, if it be called that, is the introduction of a choice that I haven't considered in many years. And that is marriage. It's pretty simple, you see: it wasn't an option... and then suddenly it was. And it's constantly on my mind. I could contrast marriage and religious here, but I'm not comfortable with that at present. But I will say that they both require sacrifice. I heard just last night that men in particular are called to sacrifice. I would like to sacrifice; this "living for myself" stuff got old a while ago.

One of the main reasons, I think, for my trap is that I tend to try to see the full lifetime consequences of my decisions. For example, I probably haven't visited many religious orders because of the mindset of "Hey, I don't know if I want to be in that order, so I won't check them out at all." This... is dumb. The main effect of the trap has been: no action. No action, because unreasonable scenarios and false images are drawn up in my overactive head (which is starting to hurt a little now).

So, what to do? First of all, call the Augustinians, or just drive over there. Heck, I can even email. It's not a total commitment; I'm just looking a little further. Just DO something. And if I don't, someone yell at me. Second, make the most of my visit to New Melleray. Discern and discern until I fall over in the pew. If that doesn't work, chill. It's just another step.

Third.... well.. hmmm. What to say here..... It is foolish to look too much into joining an order without visiting and getting to know more about it. If the first few steps work out, longer visits follow. This process could lead to a life-long vocation, but it also often leads to a new search for God's calling elsewhere. The same is true with women. ANY search begins with a contact, a visit, a "getting to know one another." That could be as far as it goes, or it could go further. Short steps, with trust in the guidance of Divine Providence.

I've heard that patience is a virtue. One of my New Year's resolutions was to have the vocation question mostly wrapped up by the end of the year. Was it smart to make a resolution that depends so much on God's timing? I could use some of that patience right about now.


P.S. It's Tuesday night...... yay.

What's a "FF"?

Game spot.com has put together an excellent April Fool's "Top Ten Final Fantasy Games" list. Very hilarious, as it wonderfully points out all of the foibles of the Final Fantasy (FF) games. I especially enjoyed the bashing of FF VIII (if you played it, you will too).

I spent a good chunk of my life playing FF games, but that mostly came to an end in 2002 when I sold and gave away my video games. So I have missed most of what the series has had to offer since then (with the exception of FF XI Online in 2004). Keeping this in mind, I've put together my own Top 5 list (yup, just 5).

1. FFIV (II in the U.S.): C'mon, it's just classic. This one got me started, though I never actually owned it. My friendship with Ben was formed literally because of this game. I don't think this game will ever truly get old.

2. FFVII: To be honest, it was close between this one and IV. If I had played the whole game through more than one time it might have made it. Well, maybe not. Not enough personal history behind it.

3. FF Tactics: This one was just plain fun. Never finished it though. What a shame.

4. FFVI: Yeah, it was good and all. But I still didn't enjoy it as much as the ones above.

5. FFXI: It had problems, no doubt. But there was just something about playing FF online. This could have taken first if the game was playable....


Dishonorable Mention - FFVIII: Stay away from this game.... far, far away.

In Benedict's words

Pope Benedict says it better than I. As quoted in an MSNBC.com article:


“In the last years of his life, the Lord gradually stripped (the Pope) of everything in order to fully assimilate him (with God),” Benedict said, his words interrupted several times by applause and chants of “John Paul, John Paul”.

“When he could no longer travel, then no longer walk and in the end no longer speak, his gesture ... was reduced to the essential: a gift of himself to the last instant,” he said.

John Paul the Great

Today is the first anniversary of the death of Pope John Paul II. Wish I had known him better, as I had only been active in the faith for less than a year when he died. Consequently, I will remember him best for his final days, which just might have been the most important and fruitful days of his life. Throughout his pontificate, he had shown the world how to live. He finished by showing us how to die.

His redemptive suffering bore much fruit. So many that had never known much about him were inundated by mainstream news coverage, most of which was quite fair and accurate. The world learned about the Church and what it is offering to the world. And, by Divine Providence, the world heard about Divine Mercy. John Paul died on the vigil of the Feast of Divine Mercy, which he instituted in the year 2000, by the request of Jesus himself.

A Mass celebrated by Pope Benedict XVI in memory of John Paul II will be broadcast live tomorrow on EWTN at 11:30AM (ET) with an encore at 9PM (ET).


(The above quote is in reference to the tens of thousands of young people who held vigil in St. Peter's Square.)

Mmmmmmm.... free food......

I'm making the rounds today. First, my Dad and I went to a baby shower for my cousin today. This is rightly considered odd, especially when you add in that my aunt invited the rest of the men in the family too (some were smarter than I). Anyway, it would be difficult to turn down the invite, seeing as how the shower took place downstairs from my residence. This actually turned out OK, seeing as how there was plenty of good food, and my cousins, brother (Aaron) and I went upstairs to play my brother's Nintendo 64 (OK, technically it's half his and half John's....... riiiiight).

Now, I'm invited over to my Mom's to have pizza along with Aaron and company, because she needs her new computer put together (I think Aaron will take care of most of that). Gratitude is very important in these situations I think, for it would be easy for me to feel entitled to such things.

So I won't be able to make the post that I want to make until tomorrow. For tomorrow is an important day. Any guesses why?