Updates

I wonder about some of that stuff I wrote at the end of my last post. Was it genuine, or just more emotional fantasy taken in a new direction? Bah...

Ben and I saw Superman. It was pretty good and all; I'll have a review up sometime soon. Yup, good times. Speaking of which, enjoy Ren Fair next week; too bad I can't make it.

I'll be staying overnight with the Augustinians tomorrow night. Rob is pretty excited about a retreat that he was at last week, so that will be good to hear about. I have some topics to bounce off of him as well.



Hmm, this post is rather bland. How about a video?



Thanks to Mark Shea for the link.

Some Movie Reviews, Plus Some Other Stuff...

I'm a bit behind here.


Over the Hedge (2006): There's not much to say here besides that it was funny and I'd recommend seeing it. Yeah, that's pretty much it; not much to elaborate on.

X-Men: The Last Stand (2006): Disappointing. I wouldn't say that the movie was horrible, but it just didn't hold a candle to the first two X-Men movies. The change in directors from Bryan Singer to Brett Ratner (Rush Hour) was extremely noticeable. The dialogue and writing were worse, the acting was worse, the character development was worse, the music was worse... you get the picture (well, the story wasn't TOO bad). I must admit though, the writers had some balls for killing off and significantly changing main characters... until they spoil it with the ending scenes. Anyway, I still liked this movie better than King Kong, which, even though it was a much better made movie, bugged me for some reason. :-P

Firewall (2006): Barf... Oh, to what horrible depths Harrison Ford has fallen. Stay away from this one, unless you enjoy unsettled boredom with a hint of anger.

Syriana (2005): Now this one's interesting. I would try to describe the plot in detail, but I have better things to do. The movie takes you along 5 or so separate plot lines, involving oil companies, the CIA, an energy specialist, Arab royalty, and Muslim youths, that eventually coalesce into a whole by movie's end. More than one viewing would be required for most to catch everything. This would include myself, but I'm willing to live with the major parts I missed (mostly involving the oil companies' legal stuff). With that said, would I recommend this movie? Yeah, sure. I enjoyed it and all, but it's not something that will stick around with me. After all, the political commentary and undertones presented were not anything new to me.

Star Trek: Generations (1994) or Star Trek 7: I had a hankering for this movie yesterday, so I went out and bought it (and Terminator 2). This is probably my favorite Star Trek movie. It's certainly not the BEST of them (all of the even-numbered movies, except 10, are overall better made), but this one has always touched me for some reason, even before I knew much of anything about ST:TNG or Captain Picard.

What gets to me about this movie are Picard and, to a lesser extent, Kirk's dilemmas and choices in the Nexus, a place of eternal joy. They both had to make a choice between what they want to do and what they should do. Do they stay in the Nexus, with their almost-real families that they never had but wanted oh-so-much, or do they go back to sacrifice themselves to save the lives of innocent people that they will never meet?

This resonates with me. The allure of a family, a wife and kids, has been very strong. It rose up at about the same time that my vocation search was kickstarted around 3-4 months ago (for example). Ack, even now as I write this, the desire for family re-emerges. And yet, the desire seems to be usually based in fantasy, almost real and yet not quite. There's uneasiness; there's something not quite right. The fantasy is good, but not meant to be. Offer it up, for something greater. The fantasy clears, and Reality floods in. This Reality, is greater than the fantasy; it is more majestic and wonderful. There is sacrifice, there is acceptance.

...there is the Cross.

The higher Reality fades, as it tends to do. The mundane sets in, and fantasy returns. The fantasy must be continually offered up for the greater reality, though now without consolation.

Unfortunately, the weak fail from time to time, for the fantasy is strong and good. Please pray for the weak.

Rotten Fruit

"If anyone wishes to come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it."

Luke 9:23-24

This is a hard saying. Through selfishness and possessiveness, I might have lost a friend. This situation would likely not exist if I had accepted the sacrifice God called me to make, that's He's BEEN calling me to make. I had a choice: to sacrifice one good for a higher good, or to have that first good ripped away forcefully. I chose the first option in April, which resulted in some amazing fruit. This month, I chose the second option, and this fruit tastes rotten.

Perhaps I'm giving myself too much credit for what happened, and is happening. God's hand is in all of this, guiding the events of our lives. Lord, please guide me in my vocation, and guide her in hers.


P.S. This has been more of a diary than a blog (difference?). I've been meaning to do some posts that aren't so self-focused... but these are the things that are on my mind. I'll just have to keep in mind that this pseudo-diary resides in the public domain, and to discern (better) what I write.


P.P.S. I'm becoming my dad. Help. :P

Heavenly Openness

In heaven everyone will know your thoughts which now only God sees. There no one will wish to conceal what they think because no one will think evil. Just now our thoughts are only known by ourselves; they are hidden in darkness from our neighbor. In heaven your neighbor will know what you are thinking. Why be afraid? Now you fear to reveal your thoughts because sometimes your thoughts are wicked. In heaven you will have only good thoughts. Just as now you are willing to let others see your face, in heaven you will be willing to let them see your conscience.

St. Augustine, Sermon 243, 5

All the more reason to hope in God and heaven.

An All-Star Cast

I've always liked this picture (click for a larger pic). It was painted by Raphael, and is called The Disputation (La Disputa). A good explanation of the painting can be found here. Here is an excerpt:

The fresco can be seen as a portrayal of the Church Militant below, and the Church Triumphant above. A change in content between a study and the final fresco shows that the Disputa and The School of Athens can be seen as having a common theme: the revealed truth of the origin of all things, in other words the Trinity. This cannot be apprehended by intellect alone (philosophy), but is made manifest in the Eucharist.

I feel like posting today.

Lately I've been letting emotions run things and make decisions. The results have been confusion, disorientation, stress, and regret. Perhaps a return to reason would be... reasonable.

Reason says, "This is good advice. I will follow this good advice. This advice is good to follow."

Emotion says, "AAAAAUGHIBBRGUBUGBUGRGUBURGLE!!!" (*runs in circles, flailing arms wildly*)


I proclaim Reason the clear winner of this debate.

The Ben

I met up with Ben today for some coffee and chit-chat at Barnes & Noble. It was pretty cool; a lot of catching up and reminiscing. A little background: John, Ben and I grew up as best friends. But around 4 to 6 years ago, Ben and I just sorta drifted apart, and slowly went our separate ways. This was unfortunate. But now, through a "chance" encounter, a friendship may be resurrected.

A Letter to an Absent Friend

My dear friend, you are the kind of person whose absence is too unbearable to be borne bravely. I am depressed at not being able to see you but the sadness gives its own peculiar satisfaction. If I cannot help rejoicing when you are near, how can I avoid being sad when you are far away? It would be dreadful if I could do that. My only joy in your absence is that I am unable to avoid feeling lonely. My consolation now is in embracing my sadness.

St. Augustine: Letter 27, 1

A Full Plate for Thanksgiving (in June??)

I'll be taking a bit of a discernment break for a while. This is not because I can't make up my mind about a specific order anymore, asthere is a clear favorite now. Rather, there is so much to focus on with what's right in front of me (and will be for at least a year). I have, so to speak, a lot on my plate (heh heh, that's right; I said the "p"-word). This is a good thing, a very good thing. It's wonderful that life no longer passes us by in a blur after we grab hold of it. After the initial head rush of the ride of life, we might even want to go faster.



You know, I've received a lot of help from people these last couple of weeks and months, and they have my gratitude:

my family (especially Grandma);

Mr. Kressin and Mr. Rubis, teachers who "teach students, not computers";

Fr. Stephen, an amazing Trappist monk;

Fr. Donald, a Benedictine monk who spent a whole Sunday afternoon talking with me;

Frs. John and Peter, two guests at New Melleray;

Eric, who just won't freaking quit;

Frs. Jim and Bob, good confessors and pastors who have had to put up with my indecision;

Rob, who has become a very good friend, and I hope will be for a good long time;

John, of course, who is my friend forever, thanks for the talk and your brutal honesty;

and Taynia... who has done more for me in these last three months, just by her sheer presence and example, than she will perhaps ever know. One day, three months ago, I was stagnant, stuck, watching life fly by. The next day, I was free. It is good to be free. Thank you Taynia; I do not know how to repay you.


Lest I be out of order, the biggest thanks goes to God. The Holy Spirit worked in each of these persons, and not just to help me (thank God). These individuals, and others that I've forgotten at the moment (sorry!), have been blessed as God's instruments in the lives of many. I pray that the Spirit continues to touch those in need through them for a long time.

Boo.

Hmm, my stomach hurts. Ah well, it will get better. No phase.


It's good to be home. There's a lot of work here to be done.

Uhh, no time right now to continue; going to Aaron's. I hope to add more tomorrow.

See ya later.

I'll be unable to post all next week, as I'll be at New Melleray Abbey for a week of discernment. This comes at a good time, as I've had a rather torturous week. I have no idea how this will all turn out. Well, I have SOME ideas, but making predictions seems to me ill-advised.

To tell you the truth, I'm not sure how I want this to turn out. Please pray for me, as I feel quite weak right now.

Lord, give me strength.

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A book, highly recommended to anyone and everyone: Theology of the Body for Beginners. Thank you Taynia.